What a week, feeling weak, but trusting in His strength

God is teaching us more and more to depend only on Him.

This past week has been fraught with trials.

The threat of death, the loss of another pet, a complication with Chloe's operation, an emotional set back in our quest for adoption of two boys, and four kids and a 45 pound dog in a confined space for 9 hours.

Only by the grace of God did we all come through for the better but still with so much more to learn and to trust God with.

When does it end? Only with His coming to take us home. Until then, we will continue to learn from our trials and put our trust in Him. It is only through the hardship and often pain that I learn.

And, I am learning.

Recently, I have had a misunderstanding clarified. In our quest for the boys born of our heart, I thought the children were available for domestic adoption in their country but not international adoption. It seemed reasonable to me that since they were about to enter school and were not yet chosen by a domestic family that it would make sense to allow them to be adopted internationally. However, I was wrong. These children are not available for adoption domestically or internationally. With this clarification, my heart suffered a temporary set back. I felt hopeless, I doubted myself and wondered if I was setting myself up for heartache.

It just so happens that I had been studying the life of Moses for the past month. The Moses of the Bible and not the Charleton Heston Moses. By no means do I equate myself with even the weakest part of Moses' character, but I do know that the life of Moses was given to us in written word so that we could learn from him. Learn from him, I did, as ET would say.

I know that God works best in the "impossible" situations. I know that God can do whatever He wants regardless of the rules. I know that I have told God I will follow Him regardless of what the outcome is, especially if the outcome is not first of all the one I seek for myself. I am here to serve Him and not my own desires.

As I have stated before, there is no way I can explain why these two boys. I know that when I found out initially that it would be a challenge, I started setting my sights on finding two other children. My husband, who has always been the leader in our adoption endeavors, is the one who said we would not give up on these boys. As I cried over the news that are odds at making a difference in their lives was slim to none, my husband once again reminded me we would not give up on these two boys. It was not my heart that wanted to stop fighting for them. It was the fear that my life was not worthy enough to make a difference. A lie that Satan frequently tells me.

Just yesterday Chloe's nurse told me, "We all need to learn from Chloe and to never be satisfied to color within the lines." In honor of my daughter, who asks to send bottles of snow to her best friends in China, and in submission to my Lord who has laid these two boys on my heart, I will stand strong in the face of impossibilities and trust Him to make my life worthy in this pursuit for the two boys born of our heart.