Oh, how I love it!
As a teenager, I remember praying to make a difference in this world.
As a young married woman, I remember how I wanted to break a cycle I observed in my family.
As a mom with my first born, I remember being angry at the things I needed to overcome.
Being imperfect in an imperfect world surrounded by imperfect people, it is a wonder we can make anything good of our lives.
There in lies the problem. I cannot make anything good of my lie. It is only through the grace of God and His providence that I allow Him to write my story which will make a difference in this world.
In my mid-forties, a clay jar formed by the first 24 years, broken and reshaped over the next 21 years and counting, I am seeing God's providence in my life. God's story and not mine. Yes, it was hard and I had my times when I thought all I was going through was too much and it was not fair.
Then I remembered why Jesus was sent to earth.
His role to play here? Curse
"Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: For it is written, 'Cursed is everyone that hangeth on a tree". Galatians 3:13
My purpose here on earth? Cheesecake!
I am humbled by God's providence. His providence is "that preservation, care and government which God exercises over all things that He has created, in order that they may accomplish the ends for which they were created" -- ISBE, p. 2476.
I continue to pray to make a difference as well as stop the cycle but now it is a much larger role I wish to play than the little circle of my immediate family.
As I see things unfold before my eyes I am amazed at the millions of little turn of events that have led me to the place I am now.
We dream such small dreams of what God is capable of. Lately I have been dreaming bigger and bigger. As I learn more about the men and women of the Bible, I have more faith. Men and women that are just like you and me. God has used them mightily above and beyond their imaginations and he wants to use us that way as well. I am dreaming bigger because I want God to blow me out of the water when He shows me He can do so much more that I can dream possible.
We have faced another closed door in the pursuit of our boys and the children that fall in the same category as they. I cried so hard the morning I got the email that yet another agency asked the same question to the same people who have no power to do anything. However, this gave me more resolution to fight harder and not to stop.
I want to be an Esther.
I want to free these children.
God cares for them.
He wants them to have families of their own.
Families that will point them to Him.
I humbly request Lord Jesus to be used by You.
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."